The Two-Stripe Adidas
It’s hard not to give your child something you are financially capable of giving them.
I think this is especially relatable for immigrants, or anyone who has achieved more financial success than the previous generation.
I had a comfortable upbringing. I knew resources were finite, but we didn’t lack anything important either. But my dad grew up picking cotton in rural Alabama, and resources were very tight. My wife also had a tougher childhood, being raised by a single mom. When you had a childhood with scarcity, it is natural to want to give your kids the childhood you wish you had. Oftentimes, however, it doesn’t turn out like you expect.
I think every parent can relate to this. You’re in the store. Your child finds something they want and begs you to bring it home. Maybe it is $10, or $20, or $100 – whatever level is comfortable for you financially. It wouldn’t set you back from your goals to get it, and you don’t want a scene in the store. Why not just get it?
On the other hand, they have so many toys already that they never play with. We all joke that they play with the box more than the toy. And besides, it’s an opportunity to show that sometimes we can’t get everything we want, or at least sometimes we have to wait, like for a birthday or a holiday.
And the reality is, the more you give, sometimes the less they appreciate. I see it here in Brazil, everyone’s shoes are immaculate. People take great care of their shoes, which is partly cultural (in Brasilia people like to be fancy) and partly because the shoes are relatively more expensive than they are in the U.S. My wife remembers wanting a pair of Adidas as a kid and instead got a pair of shoes with two stripes instead of the classic three. At the time she was devastated, and no doubt it was painful for her mom too. Now, we have the means to give our girls the Adidas, but will they value them in the same way? It is something we struggle with all the time. Where do you draw the line?
These are hard questions to answer, and everyone’s answer will be different. Some people value things highly, like brands or quality products, others may value activities like sports, dance, music, or art. If those were things or activities that you didn’t get to do as a kid, it can be especially hard to say no now. But you are not obligated to give your kids what they want just because you can, and in fact, they may appreciate what they do get more if, at least occasionally, they have to wait or choose between desired items, or simply don’t get it. Share what your values are and why you value them. Reflect on things you’ve spent money on that brought you joy and meaning, and on things that didn’t. Share those experiences too!
Parenting is hard enough already. If you’re also carrying financial baggage from childhood, it can be even more complicated. Give yourself some grace, even if you feel like you might be “spoiling” your kids. But also give yourself permission to say no and show that we all have to make choices and tradeoffs, too. The goal isn't a perfect childhood. It's raising kids who know how to find value in what they have.
This content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute personalized investment, tax, or financial advice.